Ready to run away to an island in BVI...

Guess it has been a while since I wrote in my blog...why do I only write when I am upset or stressed? So much has happened since I last wrote...I finallized my retirement papers, Megan and Jason stopped off (a little out of their way ) during their move from Las Vegas to Spokane WA. I flew to Orange County-Anaheim Hills to visit Ian, Linda and my wee granddaughters, Elly and Lindsay for a week then they drove me back here to NM where I was lucky enouogh to have them visit for another week. Right after that (like 2 days later)I had shoulder surgery on my left shoulder to repair a torn rotator cuff. I am still out of school and it has been 4 weeks since the surgery. Physical Therapy is not much fun at this point in time. Michelle (my PT) is working at stretching out the ligaments and muscles that were worked on- can't do any real strength training at this point. Still really painful...like takes your breath away and white knuckles pain. Doing exercises at home 3X daily too. they are hard to do but suck it up Megan says. I can't go back to work until I have the okay from the surgeon but I haven't been able to get ahold of his nurse so I am supposed to keep calling until I do (according to HR) at District. Only 2 more weeks of students then I am supposed to work until end of June...or until that Wed before the end of June. Then off to San Jose with Leslie to the USA Gymnastics National conference and USA Olympic Trials for Men and Women. Leslie has gotten us tickets for the Women's evemts so far. A cruise at the beginning of August with Ian, Linda, the girls and Linda's parents. Should be awesome...Royal Carribean's Oasis of the Seas going to Jamaica, Haiti and Cosumel (?sp) Mexico. So why am I so stressed (read that as pissed off), What could be so wrong in this "most perfect of all perfect worlds"? I guess it started with all of our adult children noticing that their father is drinking a lot more wine than he used to. He used to do a bottle a day now he is up to a wine box or more a day. Why?? I don't know...the kids and I have talked about it off and on for a while now. What do we do...we thought about having a conference (intervention sort of) writing a letter, having one or two of them talk to him, me talking to him. Megan did say what are you going to do if you have a confrontation with him over this...Good Point! I am a chicken to say the leasst. The letter from me was the only one that felt like it might let him know that I was concerned about him. I only know that when he does drink it affects everything in my life at night, the weekends, anytime he is at home and drinking. He stopped for the first 2 to 3 weeks after I had the surgery as I was going to need someone who could help during the night when I needed more ice, pain meds etc. He was great at that point and only had 1 glass here and there, or that was what I thought. Tonight was "the last straw". I am feeding the cats their supper, and I asked him if he had brought home the white plastic shopping bag from BVi- The Last Resort that I had been hanging onto because it was so neat looking. He wanted to use it to take food into work. He had said he would because he liked it too I guess. He insisted that I was accusing him of losing the bag and that I was rude etc, etc and anything else he could accuse me of at that point and wouldn't listen to me when I tried to say that all I did was ask if he brough it back. I also noticed that besides drinking tonight, he also had been drinking downstairs as well because there were 2 empty wine boxes next to the trash that weren't there a couple of days ago. I guess he made me mad enough that I had had it...I had already spent 3 1/2 hours at my father's new room downstairs (that is another story) sorting his clothes, bringing the rest of it down from his room upstairs, unpacking all of this stuff and trying to all of this with one arm in a sling and unable to lift anything with it. So I guess that I was primed for someone to light my fuse. It is 10 PM and instead of getting ready for bed like a normal person who gets up for work the next day...he has decided to make cookies, and drink. That is when I asked about the bag. He really went ballistic over that one. I finally said "you have had to much to drink again, Do you remember Jim and Letty? He was a fabulous cook but he drank wine while he was doing it and the meal got later and later and he got drunker and drunker until he was ready to pass out and the food turned out awful. I don't know how letty stood it. You are acting just like Jim K. You can't cook when you are like that, you crall into bed in a stupor etc etc" He just stood there while I ranted on about how he was killing himself etc etc. I finally fed the cats and walked out of the room. when I went back I told him that he can sleep in the other bedroom. Well, so much for how am I going to deal with confrontation. He had I guess too much to drink already so he wasn't able to come with a good retort. Right now it is almost midnight and he is sitting in front of the tv watching the military channel or surfing with I am sure a glass of wine and I don't care. So that is the end of any romantic thoughts I had been having when we were sitting together watching the 1st game in the eastern NHL Stanley Cup game between NJ Devils and the NY Rangers. It was so mych fun just sitting there together, talking about the game and what was happening with work and with my father. And I tokd him the ultrasound news from Megan and he just ruined it. Maybe that is what I resent the most. When he does the drinking in those amounts ( a box must be equivalent to 3 or more bottles of wine) he just isn't the same person I just spent 43 years with. How sad. Maybe I do need to go to AlANON but I can't do it right now. Just don't have the mental strenth to deal with it. That is why I am writing this in my blog which is only readable by my daughters (LInda you are one of them) and me. Guess I should go to bed now with Toonces the cat. He loves me anyway.